So I’m seeing a new psychiatrist tomorrow. Have a list of things to ask him because otherwise I will forget everything I want to say. Mainly want to talk to him about the fact that I am not getting enough treatment regularly. To be honest I was getting more treatment in Dubai than I have been getting in England. And the reason I left Dubai was so I could get better psychiatric treatment, which hasn’t happened. In the beginning it was going okay, I saw a psychiatric nurse every day for an hour. But now I have moved onto the longer term treatment I only see a psychiatric nurse once every two weeks. And he hasn’t been helping, I don’t feel that he is the right person for me to see. Even my school counselor who I am still in touch with every week says that I need more regular treatment. What I really need is a psychologist or a counselor who I can see every week.
There is also the fact that the original psychiatrist I saw in Winchester when I first started seeking out psychiatric help here said that I would be a good candidate for DBT therapy. But they would have to wait till I was ‘ready’ and in a better place so I could start that. However now my psychiatric nurse has said that I can’t do DBT because I am not actively self harming at the minute. So I am just a bit confused as I have been told two different things. And if I can’t do DBT what’s the plan regarding my treatment?
So far treatment has been rubbish and I’m not feeling much better than I was in Dubai. At the minute it’s not so bad because I have my sister and dog here to distract me from my thoughts. And moving house to concentrate on, then going on holiday. So I have things planned in to keep me distracted. However I know it’s not going to last because it never does. and I know eventually I will go downhill again an that will probably be late August when I get back from Florida and September when it will start to get bad again. And I need better treatment in place for before it starts to get bad again.
Just an update on how I’m doing.
Well firstly my sister and dog arrived in England last week. Which has been really nice, hadn’t seen them for over 2 months. My dog will be staying in England permanently with me and my mum, but my sister will be going back to Dubai at the end of August to do her A levels there. My dad will also be staying in Dubai.
We are moving house in under two weeks. Back to my old house in the village I use to live in before I moved to Dubai. This is going to be weird because well I haven’t lived there in nearly 5 years. And also the fact that all my old friends will be there (well most of them are at uni now but will be there for holidays.) I’m not friends with these people anymore, we lost contact shortly after I moved and then in the summers I went back most of them weren’t interested in seeing me, but I won’t go into that. I also had a huge argument with one of them last summer because she said I had no right to be depressed when others have it worse. I think that only sick people will get why that is such a bad thing to say to someone sick and depressed like me. So moving back will be weird, and I am bound to bump into people I use to know. I’ve already bumped into one person in the doctors surgery, safe to say we ignored each other.
I am then going on holiday to Florida where my parents own a house so we go there a lot. And I will get to see my Dad who I won’t have seen in over 3 months. Which will be nice. I will be going to Vans Warped Tour with my sister to see our favorite band, Bring Me The Horizon. Who we are both excited to see, though we are a little scared after seeing the videos of BMTH at Warped Tour and all the walls of death and mosh pits. However I’m sure it will be a really good day. Am also excited because To Write Love On Her Arms will be there, and I am a big supporter of them. One of the reasons I have been clean from self harm is because I want to be clean when I meet them. Me and my family are also then going to the Caribbean for 5 days. Which will be nice to go somewhere different a relax, well relax as much as is possible for me, because it’s quite hard for me.
However all this will be quite tough on my pain levels and I will have to take it easy most of the time and pace myself. But having my holiday to look forward to at the minute is a good thing.