So I feel really guilty. My mum says I shouldn’t but I can’t help it. Me and my Mum have moved back to England from Dubai because of my health. My mental health was so bad it was unsafe for me to be in Dubai as suicide is illegal. I’ve already attempted once and ended up in the ICU with the police asking questions. We got away with it once but if it happened again we wouldn’t have and the penalty is jail for me if I survive and my Dad either way. So in April when I was getting bad again it was decided I needed to come back to England. My Dad and sister have decided to stay in Dubai, my Dad likes working there and doesn’t want to come back to London to work again and my sister wants to do her A levels out there. So they are staying there and me and my Mum in England.
I feel really guilty about the whole situation. My Mum says it’s not my fault and I shouldn’t feel guilty. But ultimately I’m the one who’s sick, I’m the reason we had to move back and split up my family. Tonight at dinner my Mum me and my sister were talking, and my sister made a snide comment to my Mum saying ‘You should try being 15 and being practically alone at home’. My dad is away at work most of the time and has to travel for his job so it means my nearly 16 year old sister has to be home alone some of the time. She said she was fine with it. But I’m scared she resents me for it. This comment really upset my Mum and it made me feel bad because when it comes down to it it’s my fault and I feel guilty about it.
This illness has taken so much away from me and from my family. I didn’t ask to be sick, I can’t help it, but it’s still my fault.