In April 2010 I started self harming, I don’t remember exactly how it started or what exactly triggered me to pick up the razor for the first time. Except for my quest for relief of my headache. And it worked, for the few minutes whilst I was cutting my head didn’t hurt. The pain wasn’t there, the relief was overwhelming. So I continued to cut; it was the only thing that stopped the pain. I never wanted to stop.
Since then over the past 3 and a bit years I have really struggled with self harm. I’ve gotten clean a few times, but I always end up going back to it, as it’s the only relief I have ever gotten for my headache. Scientifically cutting releases endorphin’s, the body’s natural pain killer.
I struggle every day, I see a knife or a razor and my immediate thought is taking that said device and cut myself with it. I have hundreds of scars on my left arm and wrist, more recent scars on my right wrist and scars on my thigh. At the minute I’m really struggling, the pain is bad and all I want to do is cut to take the pain away and give me some relief for a few brief minutes.
I know it’s bad; but to me a scar is a small price to pay for some relief from my pain.