Isolation.

One of the ways I know that I’m starting to get bad again (even more depressed) is that I start to isolate myself. And I know it’s not good but I can’t help it.

I’ve started to isolate myself again. I haven’t spoken to anyone other than my family and one close friend who has chronic illness in a week. I just don’t feel like speaking to anyone really. I just feel like being alone. This doesn’t help the lonely feeling that comes with chronic pain/illness.

All my friends are moving on with their lives, they’re going off to uni soon, will be making new friends etc. And I just feel stuck, like I’m in limbo. So yes I’m a bit jealous they get to do all that, whereas I’ve had that taken away from me. I want so badly to be normal, to not have health issues that stop me from doing the things I want to do. So at the minute I just don’t feel like talking to anyone.

I can feel myself slipping deeper and deeper into my depression every day now. And part of me just wants to let it happen. Part of me wants help, and I’ve been trying to get help. I have an appointment on Thursday with a new psychologist. Hopefully that will be okay and will help me.

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3 thoughts on “Isolation.

  1. Hang in there. It will get better. DO NOT GIVE UP! If you need to go to the hospital, then go. They can help you right now. You won’t have to wait till Thursday. I know from experience, 5 days is a long time to wait when you are that severely depressed. I have been through just about everything imaginable. I’ve felt like giving up. I’ve felt suicidal. I’ve felt so alone, as if no one cared, I’ve felt severe pain that couldn’t be controlled, etc. If I can do it, so can you. I’ve reached the darkest of dark places. I’ve hit rock bottom. I’ve taken myself to the hospital voluntarily. Through all my struggles, which are far from over, I’m getting better emotionally. I’ve decided to fight this fight, however hard it may be. I’m done giving up. You need to get some help. This isn’t something that will just go away on it’s own. Depression is an illness that needs to be treated. I go to therapy 3 times a week, it’s with this intensive out patient therapy that I am beginning to thrive. There have been times in the past where hospitalizations were needed to keep myself safe. Please, friend, hear me out.

    • Don’t think I need the hospital just yet. It’s been worse than this before, but I can just feel myself getting worse again. I’ve been out of proper therapy for a while now though which may have something to do with it. Hopefully it will start to get a bit better once I’m in therapy again. Thanks!

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