This morning I had my first appointment with my new psychologist who specialises in treating people with chronic pain. I was a bit nervous to start with, but it went fine. Actually it went more than fine. I really liked her, she was nice and seemed to really understand. She even went so far understanding that she even got that having a headache as chronic pain is different to having chronic pain in another part of your body (not that I’m minimising chronic pain in other parts of your body, I’m not) But it’s different when the pain is in the place where you think, your head. And she understood that.
She was surprised that I haven’t been put on opiates yet. And I told her that my neurologist would only give me Triptans at the minute but they don’t help. I understand the risks of being put on opiates, but I think that the benefits would out weigh the risks. The benefits being less pain and I really need that. And it frustrates me that all my neuro will give me is Triptans when they don’t even help.
We spent a long time going through my history and journey of my headache. And touched on my self harm and suicide attempt. But that we would continue more with that next week as we ran out of time. She understood why I’m so depressed. But made me promise not to act on any of my thoughts of suicide again whilst I am seeing her. Which I agreed to. She even got how I am feeling at the minute with everyone around me moving on and going to uni and me feeling stuck and miserable.
She does CBT therapy and asked me what I wanted out of our sessions. I replied with having someone to talk to and to hopefully feel a little less miserable about everything. I know that she can’t fix my headache, but hopefully with therapy I will start to feel a little less miserable about it all. Will be seeing her every Thursday for the time being.
It was really nice to speak to someone who pretty much understands. It’s rare when you find these people. I have that with my school counselor, who is amazing and I am still in touch with her, but she is in Dubai. So it’s nice to have that understanding with someone here as well.