So it’s that time of the week again when I have loads of therapy. So it’s time for an update.
Had the doctors yesterday, unfortunately my GP wasn’t in so I had to see a different doctor taking her place which was annoying as she didn’t know my history so didn’t really understand. I asked to be changed onto the next preventative medication and to come off of Mirtazapine as it’s not working and I’ve been on it for over 3 months. So changed to the next and final medication Memantine (Namenda). I then asked for the next and last Triptan on the letter from my neurologist as the ones before haven’t helped. She then looked confused and asked why I was asking for more medication. Good thing I know my stuff and got her to re look at the letters from my neurologist and then she finally agreed to prescribe it for me. But if I hadn’t pushed it she wouldn’t have prescribed it for me as she didn’t understand why I was asking for two lots of medication. Don’t know what I’m going to do if these final medications don’t help though.
Saw my psychologist yesterday, went well. Got to continue with my thought journal and start challenging my thoughts as to whether they are fact or not. Which is going to be hard to do. She has given me some mindfullness recordings to listen to and attempt, so I’m going to try doing that over the next couple of weeks.
Then today I had my group therapy emotional coping skills course again. Was okay, didn’t really talk other to introduce myself to the person next to me. They brought up mindfullness for people with chronic pain and I really wanted to say something about it being really hard when your in chronic pain because you have to think about and focus on the pain and that can be really scary. But I didn’t manage to build up the confidence to say anything. So I just kept quiet. Not got it again till I get back from Dubai, going to miss one session cause I’m away as well.
I had been doing okay this week and I’m really looking forward to getting to Dubai for a couple of weeks. But now I’m starting to get more miserable again. I have realised that this week it will be a year since I tried to kill myself and was in hospital in the ICU for a few days. It’s been a year yet nothing has changed, I’m still in as much pain as I was when I tried to kill myself. And I’m no closer to getting any better. So I feel a bit lost, stuck and don’t really know what to do.