Feeling miserable.

I’m struggling at the minute. Feeling really miserable. Yesterday I felt so miserable right down to my core. And I couldn’t shake it. All I wanted to do was cut. I didn’t but I wanted to so bad, as I know it’s the only thing that makes myself feel better. But I want to do Tae Kwon-do so I can’t be self harming as much as I want to and need to.

I thought coming to Dubai would make myself feel a bit better but it hasn’t. Don’t get me wrong I’m super thrilled to be reunited with my sister and Dad. But I just feel so miserable.

Doesn’t help that I’ve been having a tough time with the pain lately, and that my new Triptans don’t help even at all. My neurologist hasn’t emailed me back, so I doubt he is going to. So I think I’m going to make an appointment to see him when I get back to England as I need something better for the pain. Nothing is working and I have nothing to take the edge off when it gets really bad, which is a lot recently. I shouldn’t have to suffer like this when there are pain meds out there that could help me.

I have one more preventative medication to try, Memantine, and then there is most likely nothing more my neurologist can do for me. I’ve hit a brick wall. And I know the next time I go to see my neuro he is probably going to say there is nothing more he can do but wait for surgery. Which is looking like at least a 2 year wait. My thoughts on this is that I shouldn’t be left to suffer for 2 years with nothing for the pain, so maybe he can finally just start to treat my pain seeing as we can’t prevent it.

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