Never felt so defeated and helpless.

So I went up to London to see my neurologist today. Had to wait 3 hours to be seen which was beyond annoying. But eventually I got to see my neuro. 

He said that my GP had wrote to him, which I knew about and she had said that I wanted to go on opiates. He then said that if I went on opiates that I wouldn’t be able to have surgery. Surgery requirements are that you have to be opiate clean for 3 month prior to applying for surgery. He said I had to make a choice whether I wanted to go on opiates which he would fully understand why I would want that because I’m in pain. Or to suffer it out and wait for surgery without anything for the pain. Safe to say I have no idea what to do. He said that there is nothing more he can do for me. I’ve tried everything he has to offer with no success. 

I’ve never felt so defeated and helpless and I honestly don’t know what to do. Do I suffer in pain for what could be a two year wait till surgery. Or do I go on opiates and finally get some relief that I so desperately need. I’m so upset on the train home it was hard to contain myself and hold back the tears. No one can help me anymore and I completely am helpless. 



4 thoughts on “Never felt so defeated and helpless.

  1. Ok, so since funds are an issue in getting your surgery done, what if you were to go ahead with the opiates for a while (and get some long needed relief) and then re-apply for the surgery at a later date? You could keep in touch with your neurologist and when he thinks there would be less of a wait for surgery then you could wean yourself off the medication and re-apply. Just an idea since I still don’t completely understand your medical system. Also, has he guaranteed that the surgery would be a success in controlling the pain, or is it a “maybe” kind of thing? I’m just trying to offer suggestions, sweetheart. I hate knowing how bad you are suffering and then for that to continue for two years? Then what is the guarantees that the funds would be available at that time? What if it turns into more than two years? You’ve got a lot on your plate right now and a hard decision to make. I just hope that you are able to figure out what to do. Don’t stress about it too much. Wait until your mind is relatively clear and then do some serious soul searching to see if the answer comes to you. I will be praying for you, Sian.

    • Yeah that’s a good idea. The surgery is guaranteed to work, and it’s not a cure just decreases the pain and makes it more bearable. I just don’t know what to do. It’s a really hard decision to make. Thank you for your prayers means a lot!

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