Shouldn’t have got my hopes up.

So my parents had agreed that I could get surgery done privately, they thought they would be able to get the money together, we found out how much it was going to cost and it was a little more than we had expected but they still said it was fine. And it would be fine, but this isn’t the type of surgery that is just an initial surgery and everything is fine. With ONS surgery you may need more than one, if the wires migrate and you need revision surgery, reprogramming, a new battery, going private means you have to pay for that as well if it happens. It’s an ongoing thing that you have to maintain. So it’s not going to cost the initial amount in total it could end up being double that. And that we can’t afford, if it was just the initial surgery it would be fine but it’s not just that and that’s the problem. This is the reason I didn’t want to go private in the first place, and I thought that they understood what was involved. Turns out they only just figured that out, even though I had told them.

They haven’t said no and my mum said she would do some more research and get in contact with a friend who works in the NHS who might be able to help out with some information. But it’s looking very likely this isn’t going to happen. 

But I got my hopes up, thinking that maybe just maybe soon I would be dealing with a lot less pain that I would be able to cope with better, and that maybe I would be able to get on with my life, to be able to finally start studying again to maybe even go to uni. I knew I shouldn’t get my hopes up whenever I do they just come crashing back down. 

I wish they had just said no in the first place, I know they are trying to help and that’s all they want to do is help me and keep me around. But it would just have been better for me if they had said they were unable to do this. At least then I wouldn’t have got my hopes up for nothing, to have them cruelly ripped away.  



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