It’s been a while.

Haven’t written in a while, I don’t really know why, just haven’t. 

The pain hasn’t been great recently, most nights it gets really bad. Taekwondo doesn’t help it, I go to taekwondo quite a lot sometimes 6 nights a week if I can manage it, I don’t go if the pain is too bad or I leave early if it gets bad during. But mostly it’s okay, allows me to escape for a while, when I’m doing taekwondo nothing else matters, gives me a break from my depressed mind the pain is still there but it’s kind of on the back burner and I’m not thinking about it. But usually when I get home the pain gets bad. But that doesn’t stop me going. I refuse to have taekwondo taken away from me like so many other things. Hopefully will be doing my 2nd Dan black belt grading in October. Got a lot to do for it, got a course to go to in February and to officiate some competitions shortly after. My new years resolution is to start studying my theory. A lot of taekwondo is not only the actual physical side but also learning a load of Korean words, and cause I’m a black belt there is a lot to learn. So as of January I’m going to start and re learn it all, which will be hard for me because I find studying quite hard with the pain. 

Also been looking at starting studying again, my psychologist thinks it will be good for me, I would have to do it through Open University as I have no A levels and cause of my health I’m unable to go to actual proper uni like someone normal of my age would. Been looking at the courses, I want to go into the psychology field and help people like me with chronic illness deal with living like this a pain psychologist would be perfect. But I don’t want to commit to a full 4 year open university course at the minute. I’ve been out of education for over a year now which is a long time so I need to ease myself into it. Have found a course which is a introduction to counselling a 12 week course which would sort of be perfect, so I need to talk to my mum about that in the new year.

My Dad and sister arrived on Friday for Christmas which is nice. And today my grandparents on my Mums side arrived and also my Dads dad. So our house is kind of full at the minute. They are all here for 3 nights which means me and my sister are sleeping on the floor. So Christmas should be quite nice with everyone here as long as my Granddad doesn’t get upset that it might be his last time to see us, which happens every time we see him, which isn’t a lot as he lives in north Wales. Then on Sunday me my Mum Dad and sister are flying back to Dubai for New Year out there. Some of my friends will be there so it will be quite nice to see them again. 

And well me, I’m not doing so good, at the minute I’m distracted with everything going on but I just feel miserable and in pain as per usual and it’s hard to keep a smile on my face for my family. It’s hard to enjoy things when you’re in so much pain all the time. And now it’s less than a month till my headaches 4 year anniversary which always makes things worse so I usually struggle this time of year. I’m not seeing my psychologist till then new year when I get back from Dubai which is quite a length of time not to see anyone. But at least when I’m in Dubai I will get to see my old school counsellor and also my old psychologist wants to see me also, so at least I will have someone to talk to a bit. 

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