Punished.

I feel like I get punished every time I try to do something nice like actually leave the house let alone leaving my bed. My sister has arrived from Dubai for the week, so yesterday we went to see my mums best friend and sisters godmother her 18 year old daughter who is a quite close friend of mine (though I don’t see her very often) and her 10 year old twins who are my favourite people ever (other than my sister that is) but they are just so lovely. So we went for lunch with them about an hour away from where we live as they live like two hours away. It was really nice to see them and I had a good time.

But afterwards on the way home I could feel my pain increasing rapidly, and by the time I got home I was unable to do anything but lie in bed in pain, and feeling miserable because I was in so much pain and couldn’t spend time with my sister. I was in so much pain I felt sick, but I’m not sure it was like the nausea you get with a migraine. My pain levels were at about a 9 out of 10 and I just felt sick I was in so much pain, it’s hard to describe it but it was horrible. I could hardly move or open my eyes or do anything but lie there in pain and feeling sick. 

I feel like I get punished with more pain every time I go out and try to do something nice or attempt to do anything for that matter. So it gets me thinking like what’s the point in doing anything if the pain is going to get worse when I try to do something. It’s only natural to want the lowest pain possible so if going out means you get punished with more pain then what’s the point in going out if you know you are going to pay for it later. That’s my thinking anyway. I know that’s not anyway to live your life but I just want the lowest pain possible which means going out as little as possible. So I don’t really know what I can do. 

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