My close friend.

So I have a pretty close friend who I met online through tumblr as we both have chronic health conditions. I’ve known her for probably at least 2 years now maybe 3, and we met once in London when I was there for a doctors appointment. We speak most days and try to support each other through everything. She has M.E well we think she does doctors won’t diagnose her for some strange reason. So she’s never had any proper treatment for any of her symptoms. She has depression and anxiety but has failed on numerous attempts to try and get any effective treatment. The system has failed her numerous times and shes had enough, shes been suicidal for quite a while but it’s only now I’m starting to worry. She’s become very serious about taking her own life. Asking me how I attempted googling the best ways to do it and saying she’s going to do it soon. And there isn’t much I can do to help, I’ve attempted to talk her out of it the best way I can without sounding like a hypocrite because I too fight the demons of suicide. Today she said to me she is going to do it soon, and if I don’t hear from her I will know why. I’ve told her to go to A&E but I don’t think she will. She’s too far gone, so fed up with illness, depression, anxiety and an unsupportive family that she has just had enough and doesn’t want to live anymore. And I completely understand why but that doesn’t mean I want her to kill herself. She’s my friend, one of my only friends. 

There is literally nothing I can do, I’m not even in the same country as her at the minute. She said if I don’t hear from her again I will know why. So what am I meant to do just wait and see if I hear from her or not?! Because I don’t know what to do at all. And then what if I don’t hear from her, does that mean she’s dead, how will I know if she’s dead or not, I have her telephone number and her as a friend on Facebook, but no one will tell me what’s happened because I don’t know any of her family or any of her few other friends. It’s not like they are going to announce her death on Facebook. So how will I know for sure what’s happened. If she’s dead or if she’s in hospital or a mental health ward from attempting to kill herself and failing. I just won’t know for sure what’s happened. There’s nothing I can do and I feel very helpless over the whole situation. 

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6 thoughts on “My close friend.

  1. That’s a terrible situation to be in 😦 I’m sorry your friend is struggling and even sorrier if she does go through with her suicide plan. I’m sure she doesn’t mean to hurt you but those left behind are almost left wondering in some way. It’s a shame that you don’t have any way to find out. What a horrible feeling that must be. 😦

    I hope she is okay and things go on as they were. I hope she finds happiness somewhere.

  2. I don’t mean to pry…I know it’s a bit over the line, but I was thinking of you this morning. How are you doing? Are you coping okay? Did your friend reply? I hope she’s okay..and I hope you’re okay even more.

    • You’re not prying it’s okay 🙂 I’m rubbish as per usual. Worried about my friend too but I’ve spoken to her and she’s okay at the minute. Hopefully she will be alright. Thanks for asking though means a lot!

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