In a bad way.

Over the past few weeks I’ve been having such a god awful time. Well to be honest no time is ever good, but the past few weeks have been particularly bad. My depression has taken a downward spiral and the pain has just been bad all the time. It’s like I’m in this hole of such dark deep depression and I can’t get out because the pain never gets any better and it just drags me further and deeper into the hole. I’m not even sure if I want to get out of this hole at the minute, or just stay in the hole and let the misery consume me. All I know is that I’m tired and I’ve had enough, I just don’t want to do it anymore because I can’t win.

I’m in Dubai and I’m putting on a brave happy face for my family so that they don’t know how bad I feel. But I honestly just feel like breaking down into tears, but of course I can’t do that because I have this strange inability to be able to cry.

I’m just so god damn exhausted of everything. Last night the pain hit a 9/10 which is literally the 3rd time this week, I was in so much pain I felt sick, I felt like there were a hundred knives in my head the pain was so sharp, and at the same time I felt like my brain was being crushed inside my skull. I could literally do nothing but lie there in pain, moving hurt too much, my head hurt too much. I tried to go to bed but the pain was so awful that even with my meds that help me sleep it took me forever to get to fall asleep.

I don’t know what to do anymore because no one can help me.

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4 thoughts on “In a bad way.

  1. Oh my do I ever hear this. I have been having a similar week where I cannot get on top of my pain no matter what I do. I fall asleep in agony, dream of pain, wake feeling worse. It’s wearing me down to the last dredges of my energy stores.

    I’m sorry you’re feeling so terrible. Not all of my pain involves headaches but those are the things that take me to my knees. I feel for you. Does anything help? Ice packs/heat/sleep? I say do whatever you can to escape it until it starts to calm. No one should have to live with pain that bad. šŸ˜¦ xx

    • Sorry to hear you are also having a tough time with the pain.
      Unfortunately Ice packs/heat do not help, but sleep does it’s just harder to fall asleep when the pain is so bad. I take an anti psychotic to help me sleep but I’m also struggling with jet lag at the minute as I’ve come from England to Dubai and here they are 4 hours ahead, so it’s taken me quite a while to get use to that as well, can’t fall asleep till at least 1am here which is 9pm England time. xx

      • Ahh jet lag is awful in the best of circumstances. šŸ˜¦ I used to take Seroquel to sleep but then the tables tipped and I ended up sleeping endlessly. I’m not complaining about it though as it provides some escape, at least.

        I hope things ease up for you a little today and you can enjoy some time with your family. xx

      • Yeah I like sleeping as it’s the only break I ever get from the pain.
        Thank you, I hope you’re not in too much pain today either šŸ™‚ xx

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