I literally have so much anxiety going on right now, even in my darkest moments I don’t think my anxiety has ever been quite as bad as it is right now. I can’t stop worrying about pretty much everything that’s happening in my life right now, I feel so overwhelmed with worry I feel very scared and on edge and I’m not too sure how to cope with this much anxiety.
A lot of my worries and anxiety right now is about going to college. Firstly I’m worried that I won’t get into college, then I’m worried about getting into college, that it will cause the pain to get worse, that I then won’t be able to cope, that I will either fail my course because of the pain or I will have to drop out cause I can’t cope. Then that leads to further worries about failing and dropping out, will I then be doomed to spend the rest of my life in bed not achieving anything because the pain won’t let me, having to live off my parents for the rest of my life because I can’t do anything cause of the pain. I don’t think I can handle more failure, I’ve had so much of it, I think if that happens and I either fail or drop out then I will just end up retreating into my deep dark pit of depression and not wanting or knowing how to get out again.
To be honest I’m terrified of failing, but I know that doing nothing has not been helping me, so I need to try to do something like going to college, I still want to go, but I’m just really scared of what going will mean for my pain. I want to accept and move on with my life, live despite pain, but what if the pain won’t let me?!
My pain levels have been quite high since Sunday, and my anxiety is also at an all time high which probably isn’t helping the pain. But I just don’t know how to stop worrying about everything. I feel very overwhelmed with anxiety and I’m not sure how to handle it, I feel very scared and sick with worry, but I don’t know how to let it all go.