I’m actually excited.

So for once I’m actually excited about going to Dubai, my flight is next Friday, so this time next week I will be there. I haven’t been excited to go in a long time, the last four times I’ve been I’ve not really wanted to go. Combination of the fact that the pain gets a lot worse when I’m there; and who really wants to go somewhere when they know the pain is going to get worse there, and the fact that most of the time I literally have nothing to do when I’m there. But this time I’m excited to go despite knowing the pain will probably get worse and the fact that some of my friends will be there so I will get to see a few of them hopefully. Maybe it’s my new found better outlook on everything which is why I’m looking forward to it. But I’m excited to see my sister and my dad, I will get to drive my car (I really love driving and can’t in the UK at the minute) and I’m also getting a new laptop which is my late main birthday present. And then hopefully see some of my friends and my school counsellor. After this trip I’m not going back to Dubai till October at half term as I WILL get into college so I will only be able to go to Dubai in holidays. 

I fly back to England on the 22nd and then the next day I have my interview for college, got to think of all the questions they might ask me and what my answers will be and also what I want to ask them, and then my psychologist is going to help me go through it all and prepare on Thursday, as after this week I won’t see her till the day after the interview. I’m pretty nervous about it and there’s a lot of anxiety going through my head about it but that’s probably because it’s something I really want to do and if I didn’t want to do it I probably wouldn’t care enough to be anxious about it if you get me. 

Tomorrow I’m off to a place near Bristol for a Tae Kwon-Do black belt training session, as a black belt you have to go to one every 6 months to be able to qualify for grading. So my friend is picking me up at 7am, hopefully I will wake up when I set my alarm. Having a bit of trouble with my body clock at the minute, despite my sleeping meds I’m not able to sleep till 12/1am and then I wake up really late at like half 11am. Been trying to shift it back by attempting to go to bed earlier and setting my alarm to wake me up at an earlier time but I’m having a hard time getting up even with the alarm because I wake up so tired so just fall back to sleep. Have to set my alarm half an hour before I need to be up then 15 mins before and then at the time I want to actually get out of bed in order to be able to get up at the minute. So that’s pretty annoying especially as I’m going to Dubai on Friday and they are 3 hours ahead, so I won;t be able to sleep there till like 3am cause of jet lag and will want to sleep late which isn’t ideal at all. Will set my alarm for 5:30am tomorrow in an attempt to get up at 6 and shower and stuff before my friend picks me up. Quite looking forward to this training session I haven’t been to one in years cause I’ve been in Dubai, the only thing I’m concerned about is the fact that the instructor taking it won’t know my heath issues and the problems I have with my heart, which means I tire quite easily and have to take breaks to get my heart rate back down as I have severe tachycardia due to POTS, my resting heart rate is 120bpm so you can imagine when I exercise my heart rate sky rockets even more, despite meds I still have a problem with this. But it shouldn’t be too bad anyway. 

I’m actually feeling okay at the minute, the pain isn’t too bad today though I have had a rough two weeks with the pain. And I’m a bit tired and fed up of all this waiting I’m having to do at the minute, waiting for another college to get back to me about if I’m being offered an interview, and I’m still waiting to hear from the DVLA about my provisional drivers licence, I really hope I get it I’ve done everything they asked of me and more so I doubt they can say no to me this time. But I’m anxiously awaiting a response from them, it’s been about two and a half weeks they say they aim to get back in three weeks which annoyingly will probably be when I’m in Dubai, but I will get my neighbor to check the mail and see if anything has come from them whilst I’m away. Just hope it doesn’t take too much longer to hear back as I’m desperate for a positive response. I’ve made such positive steps in my life recently and I just hope they can see that from the letter from my GP which says how well I’m doing. I really need to be able to drive to college next year WHEN (see I’m using positive words like WHEN and not IF) I get in. 

I’ve got a lot of anxiety floating around about college and everything but despite that I’m feeling better than I have for years, and it feels pretty good. 


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