So I’m in Dubai, arrived here early Saturday morning. Haven’t really done much yet, other than go shopping for a new laptop, and my new laptop is amazing so really pleased with that, spent today transferring a load of stuff from my old laptop to a hard drive which literally took forever. Some of my friends are here for Easter break, so will hopefully see some of them soon, but so far I have no plans. Will also hopefully see my school counsellor when she’s back from her holiday and maybe my old psychologist as well, as she wants to catch up.
At the minute since I’ve been here the pain hasn’t been too bad, I’m probably speaking too soon though knowing me. But right now it’s at my average daily level and I haven’t had any spikes yet, so that’s good, just hope it lasts cause it usually doesn’t.
Feeling alright at the minute but I know if and when the pain spikes I will go slightly downhill, but hopefully when the higher pain levels subside I will feel alright again. When the pain spikes those are my danger times, when the darkness starts creeping in again. So far since I’ve made the decision to accept and move on (which is currently going quite well) I’ve been able to drag myself out of the darkness that strikes when the pain gets bad, and go back to feeling slightly better.
Got some prep to do for my interview which is in like 9 days time, the day after I get back to England. Just need to revise my answers to questions I think they might ask me and get sorted what I want to ask them. Went through it all with my psychologist the other day when I saw her. I told her my answer to ‘why do you want to attend college?’ and in it I said that I wanted to be able to accept my situation and move on, that I’ve come to realise in the past few months that I can live a good life despite pain, even though I never thought that was possible. I want to do things despite the pain and regain control of my life, I want to go to college to prove to myself that I can do things despite pain and my pain isn’t in control, I am. My psychologist said she was really pleased to hear me actually say that, as I’ve never actually told her all that before then, which made me feel kind of embarrassed. But I was glad she was pleased.
Anyway I hope I haven’t spoken too soon and that the pain won’t get bad.