Hope is a hard thing to hold on to, especially if you have chronic pain/illness. It’s hard to hope for better times when you are in so much pain which never ends. You feel hopeless, you can’t picture what it would be like to not be in pain anymore and you can’t picture a future without pain. And that in itself is hard, you struggle to see the point in living when all your life seems to consist of is more pain and misery because of the pain, so you start thinking that what is the point in going on.
You try treatment after treatment to try and ease your pain, each treatment comes with the hope that maybe it will help, but then it doesn’t and you are left feeling even more disappointed and hopeless. You try not to hope too much that a treatment will help because you don’t want to be left feeling disappointed, but there is always the possibility when trying something new that it could help, so you really can’t win.
I have spent a long time feeling hopeless, feeling miserable because I will probably always be in pain and feeling like I don’t want to live if I’m always going to be in pain. But there is a life with chronic pain that can still be a good one, yes you may always be in pain and yes that sucks and is horrible but I’ve realised that I can still try to live a good life despite pain. I have come to accept the fact that I will probably be in pain for the rest of my life, even if I get surgery it won’t get rid of the pain completely. And you know what, I’m starting to feel okay with that, yes it’s not the ideal life living with pain, and there are times still when I’m in so much pain I still want to die at that point in time, but that blows over when the pain slightly eases. But I have a lot more hope now, I feel like I actually have a future and that I can still live a good life even with pain.
If you are struggling with chronic pain and the depression that often comes with it, I want you to know that it is possible to live despite pain. If you are doubting that I want you to know that I never thought it was possible either and it’s been a long road to get where I am now, but I feel better emotionally than I have in years and more like myself than I have in years. I now have hope for the future instead of feeling hopeless all the time.