Struggling with acceptance.

I’m feeling pretty low right now. Everything from the past two weeks has just got on top of me, the pain in my head the joint pain and issues I’m experiencing, giving in to the temptation of trying to find a reason why I am always in pain; why I always have a headache, putting my acceptance on hold to go after said quest. And it’s just got on top of me and I’m sat here feeling pretty damn miserable about everything right now. Even the good news I got last week of getting into college isn’t enough to make me feel okay. And I’m sat here in pain with my mind racing about what next year at college is going to be like and worrying about it. Worrying about the fact that my joints hurt and will that get worse?! I’m worried about my future, the future I recently seemed to get back on track.

I saw my psychologist today, we had a good chat about all my issues that have come to light over the past two weeks. I told her about my recent wavering and trying to find a reason why I have a headache, that my acceptance has wavered because of it. I told her I knew that what I was doing wasn’t healthy for me to be getting back into but I couldn’t resist the temptation of it. She said that there were bound to be bumps in my acceptance and this was one of them. But she knew I was aware that this wasn’t a good thing for me to be doing and that was the first step to getting back on track. We talked about my joint pain and she said she knows the rheumatologist I’m seeing from when she use to work in London.

I need to get my acceptance back on track but I’m just not sure how I get back there with added pain. I’m trying to stop worrying about my EDS until my doctors appointment in a month time. But it’s hard when my immediate reaction to things that happen is worst case scenario and over think things. I stopped my recent quest to find a reason why I have a headache, I guess that is the first step to getting back on track again.

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