If there’s one thing (there’s actually several but I’m talking about one thing in particular this time) that having chronic pain/illness has taught me is to not take things for granted. For example for me one day I just got sick; I got the worst headache imaginable that never went away, one day I had my health and the next it was gone and I was to live out the rest of my days in pain. Which over time got me more and more depressed and suicidal, I didn’t want to live if that’s all it was ever going to be. I’ve now accepted the fact that I’m going to be in pain for probably the rest of my life and am trying to lead a more positive happy life despite the pain.
One thing that really gets to me is ‘normal’ people my age or a bit younger complaining about school, college or university. I had that taken away from me for a long time, I had to drop out of school, I never thought there was ever going to be a possibility that I could/ would ever be able to go to university. So it really got to me when people complained about it all, when I was sat there thinking ‘I would kill to be able to go to school, college or university, they don’t know how lucky they are!’ I guess you don’t really know how much you want something till it’s gone. For me all I wanted was to be able to go to school like everyone else, but I just couldn’t and people complaining about it made me so angry.
I suppose now I’ve been through all that I know what it’s like to not have it, and I suppose that will impact on me a lot when I start college in September, because now I want it more than I ever had before and I feel like it’s within my grasp to be able to do it and eventually go to university if it all pans out.
With my health for a while all I wanted was to be ‘healthy’, not in pain and sick, I thought that was all that mattered, that all I needed was to not be in pain and everything would be okay again. I guess what I’m saying is that that’s not the case, I can still live my life, I can achieve the things I want yet still having a severe headache all the time.