One of life’s biggest questions when your in chronic pain or have a chronic illness is why? Why did this happen to me? why did I get sick? Why am I in pain? Which is quickly followed by, What did I do to deserve this? You want answers to these questions because it’s so desperately unfair that this happened, you want to make sense of this horrible situation you have been given. But these questions can haunt you and destroy you, they can eat you alive and dominate your thoughts.
But what if there is no answer to your questions. For me and so many others we will never know the answer to the biggest question of why did we get sick?
For 4 years I searched for a solution to my pain problem, I searched for an effective treatment that would decrease my pain. But there was no answer, nothing worked and every time I was just left worse off, with another failed treatment added to my belt, another disappointment. I was dominated by the question why, other than the pain it was one of my dominating negative thoughts, along with thinking that I must have done something to deserve this god awful life sentence of chronic pain. For 4 years I was dominated by these thoughts and questions of why did this happen to me and that combined with everything else that comes with chronic pain and illness wore me down to breaking point.
I still struggle with this question daily, but it no longer dominates my thoughts, I won’t let it. One day I was fine, the next I got a severe headache which never left, and there is no answer as to why this happened, it just did. And I like so many of you will probably never know why, and yes that sucks. But you can choose, to let the questions eat you alive or to try and live your life despite the pain, to accept that there is no answer to your question, you will probably never know why this happened, but you can learn to make peace with that.