Chronic pain/illness is a life changing experience. We lose so much; our health, family, friends, independence, happiness, ourselves etc. Sometimes it seems like we have no direction in life, all our life revolves around is our pain and our illness and everything that brings. We often lose a sense of hope, hope that things will get better because at the time it seems like things will never get better because we will always be sick. We wake up every morning in pain, we spend all day in pain and we go to bed in pain, day after day, year after year, it’s hard and it’s soul destroying. It seems like nothing will ever get better and maybe the pain or illness never will, but does that mean we have to let it destroy us and make us feel like we have no direction in life?
For a long time I had no direction in my life and that was sometimes one of the hardest things. My days consisted of getting up late, and then staying in bed for the rest of the day unless I had therapy to go to, which at the time was once a week. I didn’t have any plans for the future because well I didn’t even see a future for myself, and I didn’t want the future that I saw for myself at the time, which all it consisted of was pain and misery. All I saw for my future was staying in bed and living off my parents indefinitely, which made me feel even more miserable.
When I was finally able to try and accept my condition and felt ready to move on from the misery that was holding me back I decided I needed to do something. It’s all very well that I felt ready to accept my condition but I had to put something in place to be able to move forward with my life. Going back to school was the logical thing to do. I never completed high school so I have next to no qualifications to do anything with, like get into university. So I’m going to college in September to get the relevant qualifications to be able to go to university.
Now I’m feeling so much better emotionally and now have something in place to be able to move forward positively with my life instead of having no direction whatsoever. I’m looking forward to my future despite the pain that has held me back for so long. And I’m excited to start college in September. I don’t ever want to go back to that dark place, that place of having no direction.
A lot of people have asked me how I do this when I’m in pain constantly, I’ve had a lot of people online tell me they are proud of me and I’m an inspiration, which makes me feel pretty good to be honest. The simple mater of fact is that, I’m in pain 24/7 I can either choose to succumb to the pain like I did for 4 years and continue to let it destroy everything or I can try to live my life as best as possible despite the pain. And yeah I will have bad days (and I’ve had a hell of a lot recently) but on those days I can choose to let it get me down or I can just accept that it is a bad day, try and do what I can, break things up with rest breaks and hope that tomorrow won’t be quite as bad.
I came across a quote the other day and I wrote about it in a previous post, not quite sure who it’s by. But it’s about the fact that if you are having a bad day and you think there is no way possible you can get through it. If you think about it your track record of getting through bad days like this before is 100% because you’re here today. And I think that is really important to remember, every time I have a bad day now I think of that quote and it just reminds me that it’s not impossible to get through today because well I’ve done it hundreds of times before and you have too.