Having no direction in life.

Chronic pain/illness is a life changing experience. We lose so much; our health, family, friends, independence, happiness, ourselves etc. Sometimes it seems like we have no direction in life, all our life revolves around is our pain and our illness and everything that brings. We often lose a sense of hope, hope that things will get better because at the time it seems like things will never get better because we will always be sick. We wake up every morning in pain, we spend all day in pain and we go to bed in pain, day after day, year after year, it’s hard and it’s soul destroying. It seems like nothing will ever get better and maybe the pain or illness never will, but does that mean we have to let it destroy us and make us feel like we have no direction in life?

For a long time I had no direction in my life and that was sometimes one of the hardest things. My days consisted of getting up late, and then staying in bed for the rest of the day unless I had therapy to go to, which at the time was once a week. I didn’t have any plans for the future because well I didn’t even see a future for myself, and I didn’t want the future that I saw for myself at the time, which all it consisted of was pain and misery. All I saw for my future was staying in bed and living off my parents indefinitely, which made me feel even more miserable.

When I was finally able to try and accept my condition and felt ready to move on from the misery that was holding me back I decided I needed to do something. It’s all very well that I felt ready to accept my condition but I had to put something in place to be able to move forward with my life. Going back to school was the logical thing to do. I never completed high school so I have next to no qualifications to do anything with, like get into university. So I’m going to college in September to get the relevant qualifications to be able to go to university.
Now I’m feeling so much better emotionally and now have something in place to be able to move forward positively with my life instead of having no direction whatsoever. I’m looking forward to my future despite the pain that has held me back for so long. And I’m excited to start college in September. I don’t ever want to go back to that dark place, that place of having no direction.

A lot of people have asked me how I do this when I’m in pain constantly, I’ve had a lot of people online tell me they are proud of me and I’m an inspiration, which makes me feel pretty good to be honest. The simple mater of fact is that, I’m in pain 24/7 I can either choose to succumb to the pain like I did for 4 years and continue to let it destroy everything or I can try to live my life as best as possible despite the pain. And yeah I will have bad days (and I’ve had a hell of a lot recently) but on those days I can choose to let it get me down or I can just accept that it is a bad day, try and do what I can, break things up with rest breaks and hope that tomorrow won’t be quite as bad.
I came across a quote the other day and I wrote about it in a previous post, not quite sure who it’s by. But it’s about the fact that if you are having a bad day and you think there is no way possible you can get through it. If you think about it your track record of getting through bad days like this before is 100% because you’re here today. And I think that is really important to remember, every time I have a bad day now I think of that quote and it just reminds me that it’s not impossible to get through today because well I’ve done it hundreds of times before and you have too.

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8 thoughts on “Having no direction in life.

  1. I am right there with you. My chronic pain has taken up most of my life. I haven’t accepted it because it is constantly changing and doesn’t seem to have rhyme or reason to be set off. Like me waking up at 0430 after a bad dream. It sucks. I am glad that you have found a direction for your life. you are a good person that is strong to face this head on. I am glad you have supportive people in your life to keep you here. I hope today is a less pain day.

  2. Your approach to your life in relation to your pain is so great – even in your blog recently I’ve noticed that the pain in a way seems to take a backseat now (if that makes sense), just as it is in relation to the things you want to do in your life. You’re still so inspiring and I really enjoy reading your blog, particularly recently as your posts have been making me grin when I read them 😀

  3. I love your thought at the end. (I too can see why others say you are an inspiration, you have been thorough the darkest and see the light….you may still fall into the shadows now and then, but you seem to always have a light showing you the way out.)

    I’m huge on living in the moment. Since my main illness is Meniere’s I have a lot of people get in touch with me about that (it causes severe vertigo) and in the beginning, they always say, “I just want my old life back”. It just doesn’t do any good to think that way, I can see you’ve gotten past that. It’s a much healthier place to be. The past is gone, you can’t do anything about it.

    Then we often get stuck worrying, or hoping, about the future. It’s great to plan something for the future, but for me, I have to just go with the flow of it. If I wake up with a migraine, I can’t beat myself up, or get depressed because I can’t do what I planned to do today. If I have a vertigo attack in the middle of what I planned, I can’t let it ruin everything…I used to live in fear and was afraid to leave my house. What if I had a vertigo attack in public? I was nearly paralyzed it got so bad. Comparable to you having no direction in life. The future was too hard to look at.

    Now I have to live for today…no not even for today…for this moment. The next moment will come as it may.
    “Learn from the past, set vivid, detailed goals for the future, and live in the only moment of time over which you have any control: now.”
    Denis Waitley

    (good luck at your family’s)

    • I like it a lot too, and thank you, that means so much!

      I definitely agree, it doesn’t hep worrying about what may or may not happen, living in the moment is far better. Letting go of everything else.
      Yeah I get that, if I wake up and my pain is really bad I try to not let it ruin everything anymore, just do what I can and if I can’t do everything that day I just have to let go of it, like trying to let go of all my worries about the future and trying to let go of them dominating my mind, living in the present and mindfully.

      I like that quote, and thank you 🙂

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