Motivation.

I think motivation is something a lot of people struggle with, chronic pain/illness or not. Whether it’s motivating yourself to get out of bed when you know all the day has in store for you is pain and illness or whether it’s motivating yourself to write that essay for school that is due in soon, or get up and go to work.

When you’re sick and in pain and have been for months or years motivation can be one of the hardest things. Just getting out of bed can feel like climbing a mountain, climbing a mountain is an achievement but so is getting out of bed when you’re chronically ill. Depression often comes with chronic pain, it did for me. And for years I saw no point in getting out of bed to face a day where all I knew was in store for me was pain and misery caused by the pain and every day was like that. I saw no point in school because I didn’t even want to live if all I was ever going to be was in pain, I saw no life or future for myself that I wanted so what even was the point in school. The pain defined me and it held me back. After moving back to England in Spring 2013 to seek better psychiatric help, I was still severely depressed, I didn’t see the point in doing anything if I didn’t have a future, so I just stayed in bed day after day with no motivation or desire to do anything because I just didn’t see the point in anything if all I was ever going to be was in pain.

After 7 months of pretty intense therapy my depression started to lift for the first time since getting sick. It was only then once I had started on my path to acceptance that I started to get my motivation back, that I wanted to live my life despite the pain, that I saw my future and for the first time in a long time I wanted it even though I knew I would still be in pain probably for the rest of my life.

Doing anything and being motivated when you’re sick and in pain can be the hardest thing, but even if you just get out of bed on a bad day, that’s an achievement.

I truly believe in therapy, I believe it can work if you let it in and put in the work, it can change your life and make the difference between life and death. That being said I get that some people may not want to go to therapy, they may feel like it’s not for them and that’s fine to. I also believe that if you are going through something like chronic pain/illness that you need someone to talk to about it, though it doesn’t have to be a therapist. But therapy helped get my motivation back among other things. It’s less than a month now till I start college, starting to get a little bit nervous but I’m excited at the same time. I’m feeling pretty motivated for it, I want to achieve my goal of passing so I can get into university. And I’m going to do it despite the pain!

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