I started college this week and so far it’s been great, everyone is really nice and so far I’ve been enjoying the four subjects I am taking for my Access course. I’ve had a busy week, consisting of going to college then coming home doing my homework and writing up notes and then going to taekwondo training, I haven’t had much free time which I’m somewhat okay with because I’m keeping busy and not having much time to stop and think about the pain, which so far has been behaving this week (other than Monday night where I was at a 9/10 all afternoon and evening, but it was my day off college so didn’t effect me in that way) other than that I have been averaging 5 or a 6/10 on the pain scale, which is a level of pain I can manage and still function with.
Something I am struggling with though is when and if I should reveal the nature of my condition to people. The course leader at my college knows about my headache and so do the nurses. And we had to write an introductory piece about ourselves in English yesterday so I wrote about my headache in there, so my English teacher will now know, I should probably tell the rest of my teachers but I don’t really know how to bring up such a topic. My pain does effect my studies, my concentration levels and my ability to function especially on a bad day, which so far hasn’t happened. But my flare ups can last for weeks and although I don’t cancel plans because of my pain and I try to go about my day as best and as normally as possible despite the pain being severe, but there will be some days where I just won’t be able to cope. Maybe I should send my teachers an email just explaining my situation, maybe that would be the best thing but I’m not sure.
And then I’m struggling with do I tell the people on the course about my headache, do I want people to know? I don’t want pity that’s not what I want and I suppose eventually I should tell people, though I’m not entirely sure how and when is the right time. I don’t think it’s something I want to reveal just yet, maybe I will when I know these people a bit better. They are all really nice and I’m sure they will be understanding but I’m terrified I will be judged on my pain and put people off from being friends with me. Which could sound mean of me to say because I know not everyone is like that, but it is something that concerns me. If anyone has any suggestions as to what they think I should do, I am open to them!!
It’s really nice to have something to do every day now, something to get up for, things to learn and a goal to work towards. For so long I haven’t had that because I couldn’t see any type of future for myself that I wanted.