I have this internal struggle going on right now, I’m having an internal debate with myself and I’m really unsure what to do.
As many of you know I started college a month ago, I do like going to college and having stuff to learn and things to work towards and I’ve met some really nice people, but I am struggling. My pain has taken a hit, the past three weekends, practically since I started college I’ve been in severe pain practically all weekend having to recover from the 4 days a week at college and the evenings after college are not much better. My mood has also started to decline as you may have read in my last two posts, so all in all I’m not doing so well.
I have the option to go part time with college, so doing the course over 2 years, which will be 2 days at college a week and doing 2 subjects this year and 2 next year. I’ve always had this option but I really wanted to be able to manage to do the course in a year. But with things the way they are I’m debating with myself about dropping to part time instead of full time like I am attempting to do now. There are so many pros and cons to consider though and I’m really unsure what to do.
If I went to part time, I would hopefully not be in quite as much pain during my days off college because I would be doing less, I would have more time to focus on each subject, more time to do the homework and assignments and therefore hopefully better grades, and if I had a bad day (or a few because that’s what usually happens) it wouldn’t be quite as detrimental to my college work if I wasn’t able to do any work on a particular day because I would have more days off to get the work done. I would be doing half the work this year and half next so maybe that would be better.
But on the other hand I don’t want to feel like I have failed myself for not being able to do the course in a year like I wanted, or I don’t want it to cause me to feel more miserable because I have less distraction time, not that it’s particularly helping at the minute anyway though.
I know at the minute I’m struggling and my gut says just to make the decision and drop to part time but then in my head I have all these thoughts going around about being a failure again, but I suppose I would feel even more like a failure if I pushed myself to do it in a year and didn’t get good enough grades to get into uni because I was struggling so much. But I’m just so hesitant to make the decision.
I really need to discuss this with someone who I know will give me some good advice about what to do but the two people I always get good advice from haven’t replied to my email yet. So if any of you lovely people have any advice about what you think I should do I would love to hear it!