The front.

Do you ever feel like you have to put on a front? Like the ‘I’m okay/fine front’ for everyone to see but inside you just feel so much pain, so much misery.

To look at me you would think I was fine, you wouldn’t think that I’ve had a headache 24/7 for nearly 5 years, you wouldn’t know I was depressed. People are always surprised when I tell them, that and they are surprised to hear that such thing exists as a constant headache. But I put on this front, mainly at college and Tae Kwon-Do training, mainly when I’m just around other people. It’s the ‘I’m fine’ front and it’s exhausting. But I don’t want people to see how weak I am and how bad I feel about everything right now.

I’m in flare up, the pain even more god awful and has been for nearly 2 weeks. I feel miserable, helpless and alone.

I’ve got this week (so Tuesday and Wednesday) left at college and then it’s half term and I’m off to Dubai on Thursday. I am looking forward to going but I just hope I come out of flare up before then and that going to Dubai doesn’t increase my pain levels even more. But it will be nice to see my Dad and sister and celebrate my Mum’s birthday which is whilst we are there.

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4 thoughts on “The front.

  1. You aren’t weak. You’re in pain constantly and yet you continue living life the best you can. That’s a strength pulled from deep inside that most people never have to reach for. It may be invisible, but you are strong.

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