Dear my never ending headache,

I don’t know why you came, and I will probably never know the answer to that question but you are not welcome here, you never were and never will be. I may not ever understand why this happened or what I did to deserve you but I am tired of you causing me severe pain every second of the day. It’s too much and I can’t take it. I am tired of the way you make me feel, of the person you have turned me into, of what you have done to me and and thus to my family.

You make me miserable and depressed because of the severe pain you cause me, you make me unable to live my life properly and happily, because I will never be truly happy again as long as you are here. And I will probably never fully recover from the depression you have caused me as long as I am in pain.

It kills me that I have to endure so much pain all the time, you have destroyed me and everything in my life and taken away so much. And it makes me angry and depressed that I have to suffer through this probably for the rest of my life. I don’t know why you chose me to inflict pain on, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone else. Not even my own worse enemy, because no one deserves to endure this much pain all the time. Though I wish that some people could walk in my shoes for a day with you so they could see how hard and painful this is for me. Then maybe they would understand, because no one truly understands what this is like other than other ‘never ending headache’ NDPH sufferers.

You make me so helpless because you are so resistant to treatments and there is nothing more anyone can do for me, and I don’t know how I can live the rest of my life in so much pain.

If I was religious then I would pray for you to go, but I’m not religious, and I feel in my heart that I am never going to be pain free again. Which is really hard to live with and cope with and I’m not sure how to go on. I beg you to leave me alone but I know that will probably never happen, so I sit here in pain, helpless and alone unsure of how to go on.

If you had any mercy you would go, but I know that we are probably stuck together for the long haul which tears me up inside. All I beg of you is to leave me alone and let me live my life, I’m desperate and I’m begging, so please.

Your’s sincerely
Sian

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7 thoughts on “Dear my never ending headache,

  1. So sorry darling. 😦 This existence is a struggle. I hope you can find some comfort in knowing you aren’t alone. And I hope you find some joy in your day, despite the pain.
    -Kelly

  2. Reading this makes me feel like I’m reading something that I myself wrote. Like you, I’ve been suffering a daily headache every single day for the last 7 months. And it never goes away. I have found no relief and had to drop out of school and move into my parents house. I hate my life so much now. Just take comfort that you’re not alone

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