I know pain well, I wake up in pain, I spend all day in pain and I go to sleep in pain. My relationship with pain wasn’t good, I fought it and fought it and it nearly killed me. Acceptance changed my way of thinking to be able to deal and cope with my pain and still live a good life despite my pain. However I still have bad days, days where the pain is so bad I don’t know what to do, days where I feel so anxious because of the pain, days where I feel miserable because of the pain.
Today is one of those days.
I had a great weekend but today the pain has increased to a level that is not tolerable and I’ve spent all day in bed feeling sorry for myself. I wanted to do some college work, well I really needed to, but that didn’t happen because there is no way in the state of pain I’m in that I would be able to sit down and concentrate to do some work.
My mind has gone into overdrive like it usually does when I’m feeling miserable or am in a lot of pain or both, I worry excessively about anything and everything and my anxiety levels rise. One of my main worries being that I won’t be able to shake the misery I’m feeling on these days, that it will stay, that I will wake up tomorrow feeling the same way and I will be pushed back down the rabbit hole that is my deep dark depression, not knowing how to get out.
It’s just one of those down days that come with the territory that is chronic pain, hopefully I will feel better tomorrow.