It’s been a particularly difficult couple of weeks, with heightened pain, issue’s with college and the realisation that I may not just go off to university in the way that I want to, if at all. I will be honest it has all made me down right depressed, the depression has hit me full force and I’ve fallen back into old thinking habits. It also isn’t helping at the minute that all I see when I log on to Facebook is people my age who were my friends/acquaintances in my year at school posting that they have handed in their dissertation, that they have officially finished university and can’t wait for the next chapter of their lives. And then there’s me, not even started university, not sure if I ever will get to go like I wanted and have nothing to show for the last 3 years whilst they’ve been completing university degrees. I’m not sure if I will be able to achieve what they have. I don’t feel like I’ve achieved anything or gone anywhere in the entire 5 years I’ve been sick. It just makes me so angry at the world, at my pain, at my situation, at everything. How is any of this fair? What did I do to deserve this?
Despite all this today I completed my final law assignment, well when I say completed I mean I’ve finished it other than some re writing to make sure it’s within the word limit which needs to be done once my teacher has looked over it. Hand in day and my last day of college for the year is on Wednesday, along with a careers advice appointment to discuss what my options are with everything. Hopefully the appointment will make me feel a bit clearer about everything because at the minute I just feel confused, lost and don’t know where on earth I am going.
On Friday I am off to Dubai for a week, I’m hoping it may cheer me up a bit, it’ll be nice to see my dad and sister for a while.