I have recently been in the mist of a life crisis at aged 21, the trigger being having had to drop out of college and realising that my dream of going to university was just not going to happen because of the pain. It was made worse by the fact my younger sister is heading off to university this month, obviously the way I feel is not her fault, but it just makes me feel a bit rubbish that she can do something I can only dream of. I have been struggling to find my way, unsure of what to do with my life, unsure of what I want, not knowing what I can cope with and having next to no qualifications definitely doesn’t help either. It made me feel very depressed, I am the sort of person that needs a plan and if I don’t have somewhat of a life plan I tend to go a bit downhill to say the least, so that is what happened.
If you read my blog regularly you will know I do Tae Kwon-Do, have been training since I was 8 and a black belt since I was 13. It is the only thing that has ever helped my pain, and not only that, I love it more than anything. In June I took part 1 of the instructors course and qualified as an assistant instructor. To become a fully qualified instructor and be able to set up your own school you have to submit a business plan, get invited to part 2 of the course and pass the written and practical test which is happening in November. For ages I put off doing my business plan unsure if being an instructor was what I wanted for my life. I bounce between feeling like it is something I really want to do and also feeling trapped because I feel like it is the only thing I can do and it is what everyone I know expects me to do. Two side of me have been torn, I love Tae Kwon-Do, both training and teaching, but being an instructor was never my dream, so that has sent me into a bit of a crisis as well.
At the minute I am in the phase of wanting to be an instructor, I am working on my business plan which is due soon and then I will hopefully have the instructors part 2 course in November. I am hoping to combine some teaching Tae Kwon-Do classes with maybe a part time job or some volunteering during the day to keep me busy. I am hoping this phase will stick as it is really exhausting jumping in and out of not knowing what I want to do and breaking down because of it.
For the past 2 years since I’ve been back in England I have been training to take my 2nd Dan black belt grading, I’ve been on courses, special training sessions and to competitions in order to qualify for this grading and I’ve been training hard at the club I go to as well. I finally had my pre grading in Bristol on Sunday and it went really well and I passed, now I have a months more of hard training and then the grading which fingers crossed I will pass. I have also got a competition between now and then too. So that is some good news, and hopefully I will have more good news in a months time when fingers crossed I pass my actual grading!