6 years…

January is a difficult month for me to say the least. Yesterday was my headaches 6 year anniversary.Every year that goes by doesn’t get any easier and this year was no different. 6 years is a long time for anything let alone to have been in constant pain for, which takes it’s toll.
I’ve had a month off the job/apprenticeship I recently started. A combination of being really badly normal people sick and the pain flaring. So it hasn’t exactly been the greatest month anyway let alone to add in that I find January particularly difficult anyway, because of the anniversary.
I wish I was strong enough to celebrate my 6 year anniversary as surviving 6 years of chronic pain and everything that has brought, but I honestly don’t feel like celebrating my worst enemy, the thing that has caused me so much pain, misery and heartache.
So yesterday I was sad for everything I have lost, all the problems the pain has caused and all my dreams the pain has ruined. I’d like to say today I have cheered up, but it’s been just has hard.

So happy or should I say unhappy 6 year anniversary headache.

 

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7 thoughts on “6 years…

  1. oh my dear. I don’t get around often recently because or my stuff, I happened to open my reader just now, and there you are with this post.
    I understand your feelings. I also know you have been living a life I never thought I would hear from you when I first started reading this blog. You are going through a rough patch…rougher than the recent past…but you have accomplished so much. How you have excelled with your Tae Kwon Do, being able to take the apprenticeship, having a relationship, driving….you accepted what was being thrown at you and didn’t just give up on life. You are pretty awesome for that.
    I have flares, where things get worse, and I have doubts about if I’ll be able to pull myself out of it. You aren’t alone with that.
    I’ve had a headache every day since I was 11. I’m 52. My daily headache is no where near where it was when it first started. Now, it stays around a 3-4. I just don’t pay attention to it really. After having a headache of around 7-8 most of the time for years, this is wonderful. but this has been like this for a very long time now. Have hope, it may get much better, just on it’s own.
    I do have migraines now, so I have rough times.
    I just don’t want you to think you don’t hope.

    When I got so very sick with my main illness now…Meniere’s…I have vertigo almost every day, and I lost my hearing…I lost most of my independence, my dreams…ect. It took me a long time not to think about that, and I admit sometimes I still do…but not for long. I started saying, life may not be as I expected…so I’ll just change my expectations, and I’ll change them as often as needed.

    It’s ok that you haven’t cheered up yet. allow yourself to grieve. Be gentle with yourself. You are doing the best you can.

  2. Six years. That’s tough. My five year is coming up and it hurts my stomach to think about it. I’m sorry its been so long. Hope you have some days of lesser pain soon. Thanks for your honesty.

  3. Just came across your blog as I’m still searching for pain management. Sorry to hear about your 6 year anniversary. My 14th is coming up in April.

  4. Mine started Jan 10, 2010. It doesn’t get easier, in fact I think it gets harder with each failing treatment and doctors that don’t know what to do with you.

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