A bit of a set back.

It’s been a couple of weeks since my last post where I wrote that surgery was imminent. Unfortunately that hasn’t been the case and there has been a slight set back. I had my psych evaluation with a very nice psychologist, who although didn’t know an awful lot about headache conditions, he was willing to learn and was understanding. So he can go on my list of nice psychologists/doctors. The evaluation itself went okay and he said he is not a gatekeeper as to whether or not I get surgery, that that is mine and my doctors decision, but he just wants to make sure I have appropriate care throughout the process. He wanted to go away have a think and read some reports from my previous psychologists before seeing me again in two weeks time.

Two weeks time was Tuesday so I trekked up to London to see the psych and my neurologist, I saw them briefly and then they went to have a meeting with the head of the psychology department to see what support they can offer me. The result of that was they can offer me one session with the psychologist before surgery and four after surgery, in the hope that once four sessions are up the service for the surgery I am having will be completely sorted out and they will have their own psychologist specially for this. However they said before I have surgery they want me to see their psychiatrist, and this is a 2-3 month wait to see him; and there’s the set back. I don’t really understand why I have to see a psychiatrist, my thinking about it would be their concerns that I could be a risk due to my history of self harm and suicidal tendencies. I would be lying if I didn’t say I was annoyed about this slight set back. I feel that I was kind of led to believe surgery was much sooner than the current time schedule I am now on with having to wait to see this psychiatrist.

This week has not been good, I officially resigned from work, I had my hours cut because it was just triggering insane pain levels constantly. But that wasn’t enough and they couldn’t cut them anymore so I felt the right thing to do was to resign, working made the pain unbearably bad all the time and I just couldn’t continue to do it anymore. Naturally I am very upset, I cried most of the day which of course did not help my pain levels. It is hard I just feel like everything I ever try to do to move forward with my life gets crushed cause of the pain. I never manage to finish anything and it makes me feel like a complete failure. I am 22 years old, and there doesn’t seem to be anything I can do because of the pain, so what the hell am I meant to do with my life. Everyone my age is either studying or has a job and a life, then there’s me, next to no qualifications, unable to cope with studying, unable to cope with a job, so seriously what am I meant to do. I wish someone would just help me figure it all out and come up with a suggestion because I am really lost and alone.