In 17 days time I will be travelling to London with my family so that we can spend the night there before my surgery the following morning where I will become a human robot. Time has moved very fast and I can’t believe that it’s now less than 3 weeks before surgery, it’s both exciting and scary and I feel a whole host of emotions surrounding it. I’m not really scared for the actual surgery itself, more so the outcome; will the only treatment left to try be the one that actually helps? Sometimes it feels to me that it’s a huge long shot despite being 50/50 odds, but nothing else has helped and I have tried every treatment under the sun so will the only thing left be the answer I have been looking for? Maybe, maybe not. I hope it’s a good outcome, but if it’s not then I don’t know what I will do. I can’t work, the pain gets to bad, I can’t study because yet again the pain gets too bad, so what really can I do? The thought of surgery not helping is a very depressing thought and I’m trying not to think like that too much because I know if I get caught up in it it could drown me. That being said I’m trying not to think too much about if the outcome is good either, because I feel that if I plan for that the likelihood is that yet again I will be disappointed by another failed treatment. So therefore I’m trying not think at all, which believe me with my overactive anxious mind is very hard.
This Thursday I am getting my hair cut, and no not the usual wash and slight trim that I usually get. I’m getting my hair cut very very short. Because this is obviously a blog and you guys don’t know me and have never seen what I look like, I will give you a brief description, I have long shoulder length, brown, very curly hair which has to be washed every morning and left to dry in order to look somewhat presentable to the outside world. Because for surgery they will shave some of the back of my head , and I also won’t be able to wash my hair for quite a while, you can probably start to imagine the state my lovely long curly hair will be in, one word; disgusting! So I have decided to be brave and get it cut short, so that it doesn’t matter how much they shave for surgery and it will also be much easier to manage post surgery. It is going to be a huge change and I am scared I will look like a boy, although my hairdresser has assured me I won’t. I think right now I’m probably more anxious about the hair cut rather than surgery itself. But you never know maybe it will actually look nice and I will like it! Keep you posted.
Wishing you a low pain day.
Sian AKA soon to be a human robot.