I had a bit of a horrible experience in London last Friday. I was sat on the tube on the way back to Waterloo to get the train home and a couple of seat down from me were two black guys who looked like some sort of construction workers as they were carrying hard hats. They were a bit odd on the tube but I didn’t really think anything of it, I got off at Waterloo and they got off behind me and started shouting at me ‘excuse me lesbian’ several times and really loudly. I ignored them despite knowing they were talking to me and carried on walking fast so I could escape them. I got on the escalator to go up to the main station and looked behind me and they were on the escalator next to me waving and blowing kisses and saying inappropriate comments. I felt quite threatened almost like I was about to be a victim of some sort of hate crime, so I quickly power walked away and got on the first train home not wanting to hang around.
Firstly shouting at someone saying lesbian is most definitely not appropriate behaviour whether they are gay or not. And it just so happens that I’m not even gay so his assumption was completely wrong, probably because I have a short hair cut. Which is ridiculous really, just because someone has short hair does not automatically mean they’re gay, and likewise just because someone has long hair does not mean they’re definitely straight. And whether I am gay of not it is not okay to shout ‘excuse me lesbian’ to someone anywhere or anytime, it makes you feel very victimised. That was the first time I have ever felt unsafe in London and I was surrounded by loads of people who didn’t even bat an eyelid as to what was happening.
Anyway it’s valentines day, my mum bought me flowers (bless her) because no one else will. I haven’t had much luck with men so I’ve kind of given up, no one seems to want to ever be with me once they see just how sick I can get. Who wants to be with someone who can’t work or study so doesn’t do an awful lot, who’s life is dictated by the pain in her head, who has depression and anxiety so bad they avoid any and all social interactions with unknown people and people of their own age, for fear that nobody will understand. Yeah I’m great dating material, I’m sure their mother would be thrilled if they brought someone like me home, not. Maybe I’m just destined to be alone. The thing is I’m actually a really nice person but people can’t seem to see past my illness and how it affects me. I really hope there is someone out there who one day might see past my illness, but I’m not going to hold my breath about it.
Side note: I’m a bit stressed about tomorrow, so much so I had a bit of a panic dream last night that I got all the way to London tomorrow and realised I had forgotten my stimulator remote, rendering the majority of my appointment with my Neuro useless. I then woke up thinking it was Thursday and I had slept through Wednesday and completely missed my appointment. Thankfully I realised it was Tuesday after checking my phone and I have put my remote in my bag already, so to not forget it tomorrow. Will let you know how the appointment goes, I’m hoping I get some answers as to why I’m in so much extra pain and what can be done about it.